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one kind of breakup hurts the most



 


Research shows that this one kind of breakup hurts the most© Metro Goldwyn-Meyer Research shows that this one kind of breakup hurts the most You’ve been through breakups before and they all hurt on some level. But research shows that one kind of breakup actually hurts the most…and it involves your partner choosing to be with someone else.
According to a study conducted by Cornell University, “comparative rejection,” or the act of a partner choosing someone else over you, feels much worse than “noncomparative rejection,” in which a partner just flat out rejects you

Slide 1 of 11: <p>Since it began as a pop-up museum in Croatia in 2006, the <a href="https://brokenships.com/en">Museum of Broken Relationships</a> has grown into an internationally touring exhibit of breakup-related objects — the bizarre, the everyday, the devastating. The one thing that unites them is their connection to failed relationships. </p><p>But why would anyone want to visit a museum full of objects from relationships that no longer exist? Well, it's really about the stories behind the objects. Before couples go their separate ways, they often invest meaning in seemingly banal items simply because they're connected to their lost love. Sometimes, this requires a lengthy explanation — how could a few used emery boards mean that much to a four-year marriage? At other times, the object itself is the story.</p><p>Now, for the first time, the museum will <a href="http://brokenships.la/">set up shop stateside, in Los Angeles</a>. So, we spoke with Alexis Hyde and Amanda Vandenberg, the director and assistant director of the museum's upcoming L.A. exhibit, about what's in store for visitors — and why breakup stories matter.</p><p>Hyde wants to make one thing clear about the exhibit: "It’s not necessarily sad or heartbreaking." Instead, she says, for the people donating items, it can be "cathartic" and "brave" to share these experiences with others, partly because breakup stories signal the end of something and the start of something new. They remind us that life will go on for the newly separated people. </p><p>Of course, the objects in the exhibit vary wildly. Past objects have included teddy bears, furry handcuffs, and even an axe. But Vandenberg says that this makes total sense: "When you think about your own past relationships, it’s the odd objects that carry the specificity... of why that relationship was different, why it went a certain way."</p><p>As of now, the L.A. exhibit is still taking donations for objects, in case any recently single readers are interested in sharing a piece of a lost love. As a rule, the museum accepts any and all submissions, as long as the objects don't violate anyone's anonymity. But the curators also want to avoid some of the, um, extra personal items, like bodily fluids (yes, that has come up).</p><p>"Give us your heartbreak," Hyde says. "Send us your objects."</p><p>Click through to view a selection of items from the exhibit and the stories from the people who donated them.</p>
10 People Define Their Biggest Breakups With A Single Object
.Time reported that the researchers worked with 600 people in a series of experiments revolving around the two types of rejection. In the first experiment, one man was put with two women who were secretly working with the researchers. One woman was given a puzzle and told to choose a partner to help her complete it.
The woman either chose the other woman, leaving the man to feel that he had been comparatively rejected, or the woman chose to complete the puzzle herself, rejecting the man in a noncomparative manner.
In each experiment conducted, researchers found that people felt worse when they were rejected for someone else compared to being rejected with no one else involved.
According to Time, the researchers wrote, “This may be because such rejections lead to an increased sense of exclusion and decreased belonging.”
Being rejected for someone else also introduces another rival into the situation, the researchers stated, which makes the situation worse.
So if you’re looking let someone down easy, you may not want to let them know it’s because you’re interested in someone else (if, in fact, that’s the situation). You probably already suspected as much, and now there’s actual proof to back it up.

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